In the waiting....

                    Being on hold with government agencies, being lost in the bureaucracy, hearing scary words like shut downs, increased time lines, having more time stolen from us as a family, and powerlessness to create progress. That is how on the bad days I feel while walking through this process. I wanted my son home for Christmas. I wanted to take the picture of all my kiddos in matching PJ's while we watch Home Alone. I wanted him to have sticky fingers at his grandma's house while baking cookies.  I wanted S**** to get to see the lights and the wonder of the season with us.

                 My heart broke to see yet an other document that was required right before the holiday mail slow down. I called to pour my heart out to friends who I know love this little boy as much as I do. I think to myself how can this be part of the plan. Well, to honest it is not! I have shared with many people of the last 2 years in this process but we are not the best match for S****. The best place would have been with his biological mother and father in his home country. This idea took me a much longer than it should have to understand. Children belong in families and the best family is their biological one. Since that is not possible for many reasons we are able to have our son join our family. Sin has allowed the world to be a broken place and has created the need for adoption. 




                 S**** is not saying yes to being adopted. He has not clue. He most likely will not be happy at the idea of losing everything he knows and loves. He will feel lost, stolen, and powerless. We are being given the chance to feel a small piece of the emotions our son will soon face as he joins a family for the first time. God is sovereign. He uses all things to bring us closer to him. I know he is in control and the hard stuff is given to me for my good. I have been a struggling with the stress of everyday life, our girls growing, and facing new trials that have all been perfectly designed to help us grow closer to God. Which is what we want, but that wicked heart of mine falls into selfishness so quickly. I want a record fast adoption, I want my picture prefect Christmas, I want to eat fudge while not gaining weight, and I want it all right now! That is not what God wants for his children. He knows what we need. For we have been seen as worthy to walk this path and for that we cry out in praise that our God is Sovereign and we will praise him in the waiting and thank him for loving us even when we fall so many times. 

Prayer request: i800 and Article 5 which is the last US approval needed to come in quickly. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28